Taken from the travel log of Captain Sister Brother Indy Meutzberg
We set out for Toronto footloose, fancy-free, and riddled with disease. Leaving the dark clouds engulfing Vancouver behind, we felt our spirits soar as we made our way to a better place, a brighter place, a place with Pay Equity. Four and a half hours later we arrived on Toronto’s verdant shores, our bones vibrating with the thrill of standing on new ground. Greener ground, firmer ground, ground where the sons and daughters of Pay Equity run free, bathing in pools of pure golden light and frolicking with unicorns.
A celebration was in order, and so the crew broke open a casket of grog. Merriment and debauchery ensued. Strange visions and nightmarish sweats; fires, brimstone and devil-puppies with flaming plastic forks…[editor’s note: at this point the narrative breaks down into mostly incoherent gibber, pages flecked with blood, snot and barbeque sauce. In the interest of narrative flow, I have excerpted only the most relevant passages below.]
…two days of dark alcoholic night. Flaming spears piercing my heart, Pirate ships ramming my eyes and cacking in my face. Gotta get out somehow. The walls are closing in.
I can feel a change coming on. Something is going to happen…[Several hours later]
Something strange is happening to me. Four devil puppies are tearing at me, pulling me in the four directions. I can feel myself splitting apart. Almost as if I am becoming four separate entities. Almost as if there are four separate people inside of me, longing to be free. My body fights to stay together, but the puppies tear harder and harder. I can feel it happening – they’re tearing me apart…[Editor’s Note: At this point, the narrative breaks down completely into gibberish – non-existent words of a hundred or more syllables. When it finally settles down, Captain Meutzberg no longer writes under that name, but rather insists that on writing under four different identities: Alex Youngberg, Inder Pannu, Aili Meutzner and Randy Gatley. Their reporting follows.]